He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I deserve this hangover.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
