Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is the high leading the old right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
