Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
