in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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