1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
