what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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