He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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