Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
