homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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