You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
