The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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