Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
