I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
