I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
