you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
