Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
