awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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