At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
