Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
