I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
