Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so let's talk penis.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
