you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
