I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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