I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You need Xanax blowdarts
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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