you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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