I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
