When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
