New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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