I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to have your abortion
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
