My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
