She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
