kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
