bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
