After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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