marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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