you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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