my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
