I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
