you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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