Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
