What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
