I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
