I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
