that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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