He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
