how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this beer tastes like vomit already
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
