She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
