so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
high people should be assigned attendants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
