So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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