even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
