I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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