It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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