The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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