Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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