Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
