Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
