I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
