Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
