I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
